Roger's Cookie

Roger Winslow was very thin because he was so afraid to spend money for food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune. The grandfather died but all he left Roger was a cookie. They came to Roger looking for the fortune but couldn't find it because it had disappeared into thin heir.

Politician's Charge

How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they only *promise* change.

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away his credit card.

Can cats see in the dark?

Can cats see in the dark?
Yes, but they have trouble holding the flashlight!

Politician's Money? OR?

One night, after a long hard day at work a politician went home. It was fairly late, around 10:00 p.m. All of the sudden, a masked man jumped out of the bushes and demanded all the politician's money.
"You can't do that!!" The politician cried. "I'm a politician!"
"Oh," said the masked man, "in that case give me all MY money!!"

The African Chieftain

The African chieftain was so religious that when he ascended to power, he forebade the killing of animals.
Not long thereafter, the lion and cheetah population began to get out of hand, and, starving in the wilds, they began feeding on humans. Before long, even the antelope and zebra were so plentiful that they began nibbling on natives.
The terrified populace petitioned their leader to recind his edict, but he refused: thus, they had no choice but to overthrow the chief. Not only was the revolt successful, it was the first time in history that a reign was called on account of game.

I am thinking of something

I'm thinking of something.
John Major has a short one.
Mikhail Gorbachev has a long one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
And the Pope has one but doesn't use it.

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(A surname.)

New restaurant on the moon?

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
Great food but no atmosphere.

Minister's Call

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer the phone.
"It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now...
she's hitting the bottle."

The Artist and the Pun

There was a man who loved to make up puns. One day a local magazine sponsored a pun-contest.
The man entered the contest ten different times in the hope that at least one of his puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.